


All Too Well

by kira_khaleesi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canonical Character Death, Engineer Rey, Exes, Getting Back Together, HEA Guaranteed, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Lawyer Ben Solo, Minor Character Death, Minor Rose Tico/Armitage Hux/Poe Dameron, Multi, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Snoke Being a Dick, The Dead Person is Han Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi
Summary: Maybe we got lost in translation,Maybe I asked for too much,But maybe this thing was a masterpiece before you tore it all up runnin’ scared,I was there,I remember it all too well.[or: it takes Rey and Ben more than one try to figure things out]
Relationships: Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 15
Kudos: 59
Collections: Kira's Songfics, Red





	1. home, somehow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first 6 months of Rey & Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Too Well is a sad/bittersweet song - this fic will have those aspects but I have added a happy ending because I want one.
> 
>  **minor tw** : Snoke is a creep.

“Rey, please,” Rose all but whines at her while putting the finishing touching on her makeup. “I need you to be my wingwoman.”

Groaning, Rey wipes her hand over her face while considering her options. One the one hand, tomorrow she has to do all the chores she usually saves for Sundays and prepare for a job interview. On the other hand, Rose and Hux have been talking about Poe for months.

“Wait, Rose, won’t Hux be your wingman? What if Poe gets the wrong idea and thinks I’m your girlfriend?”

Rose pauses. “Don’t try and logic me out of this Johnson! Please come to the party, when was the last time you had any fun?”

Rey tugs on her ponytail in contemplation.

“Ugh, ok fine, I will come to the party, but I have to leave by 11.”

Rose squeals and jumps much higher in the air than someone her height should be able to, and Rey heads into her room to get dressed.

****

As usual, Ben doesn’t know why he agreed to come to this event. Hux had passive aggressively texted him about being a buzzkill and not having any fun, which had predictably led to Ben tersely demanding the address of the party in an effort to demonstrate that he is, in fact, not a buzzkill. Deep down, he knows Hux is right. Ben rarely takes time just for him, preferring to work himself to the bone in order to please Snoke.

Besides, Hux is the only friend from college Ben still talks to - not that they had a lot of spare time to hang out when the law firm demanded 60+ hour weeks from them both - but they see even less of each other since Hux transferred departments.

So, here Ben is, at somebody named Poe’s apartment on a Saturday at eight o’clock, watching people he doesn’t know have a good time.

Ben lurks in the corner, nursing his beer, for about ten minutes before Hux arrives with two women. The shorter one, he recognizes instantly as Hux’s girlfriend Rose, and the taller brunette must be Rose’s roommate.

“Ben!” Rose tugs on Hux’s arm, leading him to the corner Ben has claimed.

“I wasn’t sure if you would actually come.” Hux grins as Rose wraps Ben in a rib-crushing hug.

Awkwardly patting the top of Rose’s head, Ben gives his friend a smirk and shrugs once Rose lets go.

“Can I leave now?”

Rose swats his chest playfully, “Aww Ben, don’t be like that. You haven’t even met Rey yet.”

“After I meet your roommate can I leave?”

Laughing, Rose wanders off in search of Rey, and Hux steps a little bit closer.

“Seriously man, I am glad to see you. Rose has been worried about you.”

Ben frowns. “Why would Rose be worried about me?”

Narrowing his eyes, Hux sighs. “Fine, maybe _I’m_ a little worried about you. That’s normal, friends worry about friends who work too hard, never take a day off, and don’t have any other friends.”

Ben opens his mouth to speak, and then stops. He takes a sip of his beer, swallowing slowly, before nodding.

“Thanks, man. But trust me, I’m fine.”

“If you say so, I believe you. I just hope that you’d say something if you-”

-Hux is interrupted by Rose bursting back onto the scene with her friend in tow. At that moment, Ben realizes he might not be the only person who was convinced to attend this party against their will.

“Ben, this is my roommate Rey.”

Rey holds her hand out, and Ben has to do his best not to stare at how small it looks folded into his, and consciously reminds himself to end the handshake so he doesn’t creepily hold her calloused hand for too long.

When neither Rey nor Ben speak, Rose jumps back in, “And Rey, this is Ben. Ben and Hux work at the same law firm.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you, Ben.”

He blinks; Rey has a British accent. Ben gives her what he hopes is a normal-looking smile, and turns to say something to Rose only to find that she is gone.

“Over there,” Rey points to where Rose is chatting up the host, Poe. “Rose and Hux are interested in Poe.”

“Why? He doesn’t seem that interesting.” Ben takes a sip of his drink.

Rey purses her lips and then looks at him. “No...I mean, like, Rose and Hux are _interested_ in Poe.”

Ben chokes on his drink. “Oh...I didn’t...okay then.”

Rey laughs, and Ben thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he has heard in a while.

****

She hadn’t gone to the party with the intention of meeting someone, yet here she is. One week later and Rey has already gone on three dates with Ben, and is currently getting dressed to walk to his place. Over lunch yesterday, Rey had admitted that she isn’t much of a cook; she knows how to do staples that are inexpensive and filling, and that’s about it. Ben had then shared that he loves to cook, and had invited her over so they could make dinner. Turns out he lives about 10 blocks away.

Pulling her scarf over her head, Rey gives herself one last glance in the mirror.

She doesn’t see that scarf again for three years.

****

The next three months pass in a blur.

Given his previous experiences dating and the fact that he hasn’t been in a serious relationship, well maybe ever, Ben had expected it to be more difficult than it was. Rey was easy to be around, and it seemed like in no time at all they’d gone from meeting at Poe’s party to having dinner at his place to now him inviting her to a First Order function and Thanksgiving with his parents.

Ben has never been much of a talker, but over their time together he has found himself telling Rey everything and anything about himself. He tells her about how this Thanksgiving will only be the second one since he started talking to his parents again, and that he still hasn’t reconciled with his uncle.

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised when she charms his parents; just like that, Rey has become a fixture in his life.

She doesn’t get mad when he has to work late, and isn’t judgemental of the schedule he keeps. Rey calls to check in on him, and holds him when he’s had a long day. Ninety-two days, that is all that he has known her for, but something about her feels like home, somehow. And as much as that pleases him, the voice in the back of his mind is worried.

Telling him that he is broken, and doesn’t deserve love.

That he breaks things, and that it is only a matter of time before he will break this too.

****

Rey stands at the outskirts of the ballroom, half-heartedly sipping her champagne and feeling profoundly out of place. Rose had done her utmost to help her look like someone who might belong at an upscale function held by a prestigious law firm, including providing an old dress of Paige’s and helping style Rey’s hair into an elaborate updo. Rey had been proud of all the work they put in, and Ben had been noticeably impressed when he saw her for the first time.

And yet, Rey can’t help but feel like there is a giant sign around her neck with OUTSIDER emblazoned across it in angry red sharpie. She does not belong here, and she had long lost track of how far past the “five minutes” Ben needed to say hello to people they were.

“You must be Ms. Johnson.” A voice sounds from behind her, causing an involuntary shiver. Rey turns and comes face to face with a man she knows instantly she does not like.

He is well-groomed and dressed in a six-figure suit, with waxen skin and cruel glint in his eyes. The man conspicuously looks Rey up and down, before letting out a sigh.

“I must admit, this is a valiant effort even for a gutter rat.”

Rey gasps. “Excuse me?”

He continues, unperturbed. “I can appreciate your attempt to look the part, young Rey, but,” the man sneers, “it’s obvious that you don’t belong here.”

Rey takes a step back, furtively glancing around to see if anybody else is witnessing what is happening.

“Even in that dress, a piece of shit is still, well, a piece of shit.”

Gasps sound around the room as Rey throws her champagne in his face.

“Eat shit, you old creep.”

He gives her a grin, before using a handkerchief to wipe his face.

****

“I don’t think you understand how big of a deal this is, Rey.” Ben paces the floor of his living room, alternating between running his hands through his hair and clenching his fists.

“I could say the same to you,” Rey replies hotly.

“Look,” Ben works his jaw, “I know Snoke can rub people the wrong way, and I’m not saying you need to like him or anything but-”

“-Rub people the wrong way?” Rey groans, “Ben, he was harassing me. He called me a piece of shit.”

“So you’ve said.” He sighs, “I’m sorry that he did that, but you’ve got to understand-”

“-No, Ben. I’m not the one who needs to understand. I’ve told you repeatedly that your boss intimidated me on purpose and you keep dismissing this like it’s some adorable personality quirk of his or something.”

Ben grits his teeth as he tries to take deep breaths. “Rey, I get it, trust me, I know he can be an asshole. But I don’t think you fully understand the gravity of the situation here.”

Rey closes her eyes and huffs. “Ok,” she exhales deeply, “Ok, Ben. Explain the situation to me.”

“The event tonight, it was for clients, some of them were potential new ones for me. I was meant to- the plan was for me to impress them so they would choose our firm over the...tonight was a big deal and I knew it was a risk to invite you but I thought it would be alright if you just stayed…” Ben wipes his hand over his face. “But you made a scene, and so not only did I not land the new client but you embarrassed me.”

When Ben finishes and meets Rey’s eyes, her gaze is filled with a rage he has never seen before.

“What the fuck, Ben. It was a risk to invite me?” She holds her hand up, “No, don’t respond. I cannot believe that your boss talked to me like that and somehow I am the one you are embarrassed by.” Rey sighs. “Look, I’m genuinely sorry that the night did not go the way that you wanted it to. I’m going to go home, and we can talk about this another time.”

Before he can think to say anything else, she is gone.

When she texts to let him know that she got home safely, he responds with _I’m sorry._

****

Rey blinks, and then she and Ben have been together for six months. That’s how it feels, at least. The incident with his boss, Mr. Snoke, had been the first of several spats, and the voice in the back of her head told her to keep a tally of each argument and who was to blame - the voice whispered that most of them were Ben’s fault.

The voice is always replaying each argument, each instance of Ben’s obsession with work and possessive behaviour; constantly rewinding and freeze-framing.

_She had texted Ben to say that she would be a little bit late, but checking her phone as she climbed out of her Uber, she had not received a reply. In retrospect, that had been the first sign. Ben always responds to texts._

_When Rey unlocks the door to his apartment, and finds Ben seated on his armchair by the window, fist clenched at his side._

_“Ben?” She puts her keys in the bowl by the door, and hangs up her coat. “Sorry I’m late, it went a little bit later than I expected.”_

_He doesn’t answer right away, and then, “Who are those men?”_

_Rey frowns. “What men?”_

_His voice is strained when he answers, “The men you were out drinking with tonight.”_

_“My colleagues?” Rey takes a few tentative steps towards him, unsure where this conversation is going._

_“When you said you had a work thing I didn’t realize you meant you’d be at a bar with a bunch of men, that’s all.”_

_Rey sighs, and positions herself in front of Ben. Though he is seated, his considerable height means he barely has to lift his chin to meet her eyes._

_“Ben,” Rey reaches out to hold his cheek in one hand. “Ben, you know I love you, but you also know I have a life outside of our relationship and that that is not a reflection on you. Sometimes I’ll have plans that don’t involve you, and that’s okay.”_

_His shoulders visibly relaxing, Ben frowns playfull into her hand._

_“And we’ve talked about this, remember? One of the reasons I’ve been applying for other jobs is that Plutt’s hiring practices are pretty...well...most of my colleagues are white dudes.”_

_Ben snorts, and Rey climbs into his lap, placing her knees on either side of his thighs. He wraps his arms around her and Rey presses her forehead to his; they stay there, breathing together for several minutes._

_Later, after Ben has carried her to bed and apologized in more than one way for the presentation of his jealousy, Rey listens to him breathe and wonders if she is his only connection to the world outside of Snoke’s firm._

For now, Rey elects to ignore that voice. She loves Ben, and he loves her.

That should be enough, and it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously listen to the song it has the best lyrics


	2. not fine at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I might be okay but I'm not fine at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mention of a characters past workplace sexual harassment and brief mention of physical abuse but nobody is being abused.

At a certain point, it starts feeling like Snoke is intentionally making Ben work late on the nights that they have plans. He arrived late and exhausted to Rose’s birthday party and didn’t show up at all to a casual night out for drinks. Rey loves him, she really does, but from her perspective things are only getting worse.

Hearing a knock at her door, Rey grabs a bowl from the cupboard and opens a bag of Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos.

“Coming!” Wiping her hands on a towel, Rey pulls the door open to greet Rose.

“Oh thank God, my hands are freezing! I should’ve brought gloves.” Rey laughs, and takes the two extra large size Slurpees from her friend’s hands, placing them on the counter.

It’s been awhile since the two of them have had a girls’ night and Rey desperately needs Rose’s advice.

“So,” Rose does her best to talk around a Cheeto, “I can’t remember the last time we busted out the Slurpees and Cheetos...it must be serious.”

Rey nods, sipping her frozen drink slowly.

“OHMYGOD.” Rose gasps after swallowing.

“What?”

“Did Ben propose? Is that what this is about?”

Putting her drink down, Rey shakes her head. “No. It is about Ben though.”

Rose’s face falls. “But it’s bad.”

Rey nods. “Unfortunately.”

“Oof. Okay.” Rose carries the bowl of chips over the couch, settling in the corner as Rey brings over their drinks.

Once they are situated, the words just pour out of Rey. She tells Rose about Ben repeatedly forgetting that they had made weekend plans, arriving late to dates, and that when they do spend time together he is either exhausted, distant, abrasive, or some terrible combination of all three.

Rey’s eyes tear up as she recalls the last argument they had, the biggest one yet, in which Ben had relatively indelicately asked that she buy some new clothes to wear to his work functions, and on top of that suggested that she refrain from speaking to too many people.

A heated shouting match had followed in which Rey had expressed her indignation that he asked her to change and Ben had accused her of not understanding the importance of his career.

That particular fight had ended in tears for both of them, and Rey saying that she would stop attending his work events, followed by Ben’s quiet acceptance.

“I mean, I do understand that he has to present a certain image to his clients and coworkers and he is up for a serious promotion...so maybe I was a little bit unreasonable in that instance, but it just,” Rey chokes back a sob. “I can’t…”

“Hey.” Rose puts down her drink to slide closer to Rey on the couch, pulling her in for a side hug and softly rubbing Rey’s arms.

Once she has caught her breath, Rey continues.

“But there was this other time, Rose, “ Rey hiccups, “This other time it was not my fault, and Ben really was being paranoid and a little possessive.”

Rose raises her eyebrows so high they almost meet her hairline. “Rey...did Ben, did he hurt you?”

“Oh, fuck, no. That’s not what I...no.” Rey sighs, “You know how I told you things have been worse at work?”

“Yeah, you’ve been applying around to find a better position.”

“Yeah. So I got an interview with a really prestigious engineering company, and I had left some of the paperwork out on the counter and Ben saw it…”

Frowning, Rose asks “But Ben knows you’ve been applying for jobs-”

“-Yeah. But the place I got an interview at is his uncle’s company, and they’re not on speaking terms.”

“Ok,” Rose shakes her head. “Why would his uncle-issues matter? He’s not the one taking the job.”

Rey pops a couple of Cheetos into her mouth, chewing vigorously. “Exactly. Exactly. But Ben took it very personally, he accused me of intentionally applying to his uncle’s firm as a way to bother him.” Rey runs a hand through her hair while eating a couple more chips. “He used the word _revenge_ Rose. Like we are in some sort of soap-opera or a movie.”

“Wait, he thought you applied to his uncle’s company to get back at him? For what?”

Shrugging, Rey takes a sip of her drink through the obnoxiously neon green straw. “I don’t know. And I said that to him, and he said that he felt bad about being forgetful and bailing on some of our plans but he expected me to be above pettiness.”

“Yeesh.” Rose leans back on the couch, mulling over what Rey had shared. “I’m really sorry that you guys are going through this, it sounds like the last six months have been pretty stressful.”

They sit together in silence, munching on their snacks.

“How did Hux handle working for Snoke? Was it the same for you guys, with him totally running Hux’s life and being so controlling?”

Rose finishes chewing before swallowing slowly and sighing. “I...the situation with Snoke was...well, it was bad.”

Rose is quiet for a minute, then rubs her face before continuing. “One of Snoke’s top clients was harassing Armie, and it kept escalating but every time that he brought it up with Snoke he got dismissed.”

“Oh God, Rose I had no idea.”

“Yeah.” Rose inhales. “Eventually, one of those pigs told Armie that he should trade sexual favours to close deals and that’s when he put in his transfer request. He had to sign an NDA in exchange for keeping his salary, but all things considered we thought it would be worse.”

Rey is quiet, taking in the severity of everything Rose has revealed. She has suspected the degree of toxicity at Ben’s workplace but this is an entire new level Rey would never have guessed.

“Wow.” Rey tugs on her ponytail. “What should I do?”

“Well,” Rose tucks her knees up under her. “You need to have a conversation with Ben, and let him know that the status quo cannot continue.”

Rey sighs.

The two women spend the rest of the night watching reruns of _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_ and snacking. No matter how funny the shenanigans of the 99 are, they never seem to move past the sombre tone of their discussion.

The conversation with Ben goes about as well as she could have hoped for.

She picks a day when he doesn’t have to work, and they sit down at his apartment after lunch. Rey relays the events of the last six months, outlining that every high in their relationship has been matched by an equal and maybe even worse low. She explains that she loves him deeply and does want to spend the rest of her life with him, but Rey will not stand for the way she has been treated.

With that off her chest, she takes a deep breath.

“Listen, Ben. You are addicted to your job and I’m your only real connection to the real-world. We’ve been together a year and I haven’t met any of your friends. And I spent so much of my childhood lonely, waiting for something that would never happen...I can’t keep waiting for you.” Rey sighs. “I love you, so much, but I can’t be an afterthought and you can’t rely on me to be your keeper, it’s not healthy.”

“Rey-”

“-No. Trust me, Ben. I’ve gone through this before with my foster brother Finn. We were inseparable but eventually I was like a parasite, my reliance on him stopped both of us from living our lives.”

“What happened with you and Finn?” Ben runs a hand through his hair, nerves showing plainly.

Rey sighs. “He was honest with me, like I’m being with you. He explained to me the ways that I was hurting him.”

“But what happened, Rey? What was the result?”

“We...he wasn’t my best friend anymore, but really we hadn’t been best friends for some time. We still talk now and then, but we never really recovered from everything that happened.”

“Rey, I love you.” Ben swallows, shoulders hunching in on himself, “But without my job, I’m nothing. It’s who I am.”

Frantically wiping the tears away before they can fall down her cheeks, Rey exhales. “I see. Okay. Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Given the way that they have fought over the year that they have dated, Rey would never have predicted the quiet fashion in which their relationship ends. They sit there awkwardly in his kitchen for about ten minutes before Rey can bring herself to leave, silently wishing the entire time for him to call out and change his mind.

But he doesn’t.

A week later, she gets a large box in the mail, addressed to her in the most beautiful handwriting she knows to be Ben’s.

In the box is an assortment of items: a toothbrush, a pair of slippers, a phone charger, and clothes. The things she used to keep at his place.

Immediately, Rey calls Rose begging to know if she did the right thing.

She cries herself to sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry 
> 
> promise there is HEA.
> 
> May 20th update: there will be passing mention of **Rey/Ben dating other people** but it is not in detail and will only take a couple sentences at most.


	3. in the name of being honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warnings:**  
>  Passing mentions of a drinking problem and sexual assault  
> Snoke uses gross language to describe Hux  
> Physical violence  
> Major character death - canon compliant
> 
> check end notes for more details if you need!

**THE FIRST YEAR**

* * *

Rey started counting time in days when she was a kid. Days since her parents left. Days until they’d come back. Days that she was so hungry her stomach hurt. 

When she met Finn, Rey started keeping track of the days that they’d been friends. 

After he confronted her about their relationship, she started counting the days since their friendship ended.

She had thought she’d grown out of her habit of counting days, until she and Ben broke up. 

  
  


Fourteen days after she received the box of her things in the mail, she gets hired at Luke Skywalker’s engineering firm. Forty days after unpacking the possessions she used to keep at Ben’s place, Rey has settled into her new job. 

She likes it. 

The people are great - it’s a much better work environment than her old firm. Luke is sort of a crotchety old man but in an endearing way. He is also one of the smartest engineers Rey has ever met. It is a good change for her.

  
  
  


One-hundred and twenty-three days after things ended with Ben, Leia comes by the firm to drop something off for Luke. Rey happens to be in Luke’s office going over some schematics for a new proposal when Leia arrives. 

“Come on in,” Luke mutters in response to the knock at the door, his glasses almost falling off his nose as he examines Rey’s work.

“Luke, I just came by to drop-” Leia pauses as Rey looks up and meets her eyes. “Hi, Rey.”

Rey nods, but cannot bring herself to speak. Even if she could unglue her jaw, she doesn’t know what she would say.

Removing his glasses, Luke looks back and forth between the two women and gestures his hands between them.

“What’s going on here? You two know each other?”

Leia squares her shoulders. “Rey used to date Ben.”

Rey mumbles something about needing to take a phone call in her office and runs away from the questions Luke no doubt has. 

  
  
  


On day one-hundred and twenty-nine, Rey notices that Luke has been standoffish for the last couple of days, but thinks nothing of it. 

By the time they arrive at day two-hundred, Rey has been deliberately passed over for two projects, repeatedly not told about meetings that she should be at, and a more junior employee is invited to an annual conference even though Luke had told her when she was hired that she would get to go. 

Thanks to her compulsive day-tracking, it is easy for Rey to count backwards in her head and realize that Luke’s odd behaviour began after Leia visited. 

The next day, she requests a meeting with him. She doesn’t let him get a word in edgewise once he sits down.

“Are you mad at me because I used to date Ben?”

Luke scoffs. “Christ Rey, I thought this was something serious. If this is just about some spat, or drama between you and Ben, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Where do you get off, Luke? There is no drama between me and Ben; we aren’t together. I haven’t spoken to him in over half a year.”

“Then what is the meaning of this nonsense?”

Rey stares daggers at him and stands from her chair. “It is _not_ nonsense. Unless you can explain why you were perfectly reasonable and a cordial boss, and then suddenly became an asshole after Leia told you that I used to date your estranged nephew..”

Luke strokes his beard and leans back in his chair. “That’s no way to talk to your boss.”

“The way you’ve been treating me is no way to treat an employee. Others have noticed and asked me about it.”

His eyes widen. “I-”

“-No. Luke. Whatever happened between you and Ben is your business. I don’t have any part of it; Ben and I broke up before I started working here. Don’t rope me into your family drama.”

Luke narrows his eyes. “Did you break up because you got interviewed here?”

“ _What_ in the name of-” Rey takes a deep breath and levels Luke with a stare. “You can’t treat me differently because Ben and I used to be together. Whatever your feelings toward him may be, you cannot let that affect our professional environment.”

Before Luke can speak, Rey leaves, shutting the door gently behind her. 

Luke is absent from work for the next couple of days, but when he returns on day two-hundred and two, things seem to have returned to normal at work.

  
  


Something odd happens on day three-hundred and fifty; in Rey’s inbox is an email from Finn. 

They haven’t spoken - individually, in a medium outside of Instagram comments - since, well since their friendship had ended. Unsure what she’ll find, she clicks open the message.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Ben survives the first six months without Rey in a haze of alcohol and coffee. The booze to numb the pain of being alone, and the caffeine to help him maintain some semblance of functionality after enduring sleepless nights. 

At some point he stops drinking and starts exercising. 

Two months later, after climbing out of his sorrowful pit, Ben realizes that Rey was right.

About many things. 

Now that she’s gone, it is apparent that maybe he was depending on her a little more than he should have. He spends more time with Hux, which is surprisingly not terrible. He walks to a pub that is down the street from his house a couple of times a week - he orders an appetizer and a soda - and has made friends with some of the regulars. Friends, plural. 

The other thing that has become blatantly obvious now that his life is missing the warmth Rey brought to it, is that his job is slowly killing him.

Or maybe not so slowly. 

Snoke is, to put it lightly, an asshole. If Ben were to put it more indelicately, he would say that Snoke is a predator. Perhaps not of the kind that puts you behind bars, but as Ben surveys his workplace all he sees are reflections of himself. Lawyers who once were young and idealistic, passionate, but after landing an internship at this firm, Snoke sunk his claws in and never let go. 

The promise of promotions, higher salaries, industry awards, better clients...all a part of his scheme to coerce his workers into believing that this job is the best thing in their life. That they’re nothing without it. 

A hamster wheel of suffering. 

All of them chasing fulfilment that will never arrive.

  
  


It takes a couple more months until Ben reaches his breaking point. 

He has been called into Snoke’s office, no doubt to be chewed out for failing to appease the clients he took to dinner last night. 

“Sit, my boy.” Ever since his realization of Snoke’s toxicity, it has grown increasingly harder for Ben to stay quiet when he is patronized, berated. For now, he bites his tongue.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Ben sits in the intentionally uncomfortable chair that sits across from Snoke’s ridiculously ornate desk. 

Snoke’s beady eyes narrow. “I wanted to discuss the nature of your failure.”

Unwilling to get defensive just yet, Ben plays dumb. “Failure, sir?”

“When I found you, I saw what all employers dream of seeing; raw potential, a ruthless approach, unwillingness to compromise.” He scoffs. “I had hoped that when you finally abandoned that gutter rat of yours, you’d be back to your old self. But I fear I was mistaken.”

Clenching his fist, Ben’s mind races to piece together everything Snoke has said. He acknowledges that the insult directed at Rey is clearly bait and out of determination to remain calm, he does not answer. 

“Having witnessed your growing weakness, I gave you a chance, one last chance to prove yourself by dining with the Hutt’s. You know how important Jabba’s family business is to us.” Snoke laughs. “I can’t even say I’m surprised at your behaviour.”

Still, Ben doesn’t speak.

Snoke stands, pointing his gnarled and bony finger at Ben. “You _failed._ Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Gritting his teeth, Ben exhales. “Jabba and his associates were harassing our server. I suggested that they stop, as it was escalating to a point where we were going to be kicked out of the restaurant, or it would be within reason for her to press charges.”

“I don’t care if Jabba grabbed the waitress and fucked her on the table in front of you. You cannot speak to a client that way.” Snoke shakes his head and walks out from behind his desk. “When did you get so soft? Perhaps that degenerate you call a friend has had a greater effect on you than I thought.”

Ben narrows his eyes at Snoke.

“I always knew Hux was filth.”

The utter disdain with which Snoke spits the name of Ben’s friend is what finally breaks him. Ben stands to his full height, towering over Snoke, and levels his boss with a stare that could cut glass. 

Just as Snoke is about to open his mouth, likely to spew more hatred, Ben punches him across the face. As ominous as his snakelike presence pretends to be, Snoke is truthfully a frail, pathetic man. Never has it been more obvious than in the way he falls to the ground like a ragdoll.

Ben straightens his suit and exits the office. 

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he pulls up the staff directory. 

He knows what he has to do. 

  
  
  
  


**THE SECOND YEAR**

* * *

As is the case with most men like Snoke, somebody has been keeping records. In this instance, it’s Phasma who has the files - files upon files upon files. In Ben’s initial meeting with her, she expressed some distress at the fact that Ben had delivered a physical blow. Though Ben regrets it, and firmly believes that violence is not the answer, it turns out that it may have been a good thing. 

Nobody who had faced Snoke’s wrath had ever had proof or means or willingness to involve the authorities.

This time, it was Snoke who called the police. He played the elderly man card, and accused Ben of being a raging alcoholic. 

Phasma, as Ben’s representative in the police interviews, used this opportunity to level charges of her own against Snoke. Six months after the altercation in Snoke’s office, after long days of depositions and combing through the files of Snoke’s personal representation, it was over. 

Ben faces a fine, community service, and some mandatory sessions with an anger management therapist.

Snoke had been disbarred and locked up, with Phasma taking his place at the head of the law firm. Everyone who had taken Snoke’s side or been in his pocket was fired and blacklisted. 

After everything was dealt with, Ben took eight weeks of leave. Between dating Rey, their breakup, and dealing with Snoke, the last two and half years have left him exhausted.

When Phasma had asked him what he was going to do, Ben shrugged and said he didn’t know.

When he gets home from work that night, he thinks. It has been a long time, maybe since college but likely even before that, that Ben has taken time for himself, to do what he enjoys. He knows he likes the easy camaraderie with the regulars at the pub down the street. He knows he likes Hux’s company. Now that he has the time, Ben tries to figure out what else there is. 

He tries yoga - turns out he really likes it. The exertion coupled with the meditative state is the perfect blend of calming and tiring. 

Ben goes for walks. He walks everywhere. 

He slowly relearns his love of cooking and calligraphy.

Ben tries his hand at a lot of things that don’t work out - knitting, puzzles, painting - but finds more things that do. 

He now is the proud owner of both a cat and several plants. Ben joins a book club and volunteers at a local soup kitchen, goes to the farmer’s market and picks things up for his parents. 

Most of all, Ben writes. He writes poetry with his calligraphy pens on paper that costs $7 a sheet. He journals, reflecting on everything that has happened recently in his life. Sometimes he writes fiction, sometimes he writes letters to his past self, letters to Rey. 

None if it is really intended for the eyes of others. 

He is just writing for himself.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


After eighteen months of working for Luke, Rey leaves. She is grateful to the opportunities she had while working there and for everything she learned from Luke. 

But Ben was right. Luke is kind of a jaded ass, afraid of change and unwilling to budge once he is dug in. So, Rey gets a new job at a smaller firm more dedicated to clean projects and environmental agendas. Things Luke had sneered at, calling it opportunistic social justice warrior nonsense.

After the usual period of settling in, Rey realizes that she might actually be happy. 

Working at a job that she actually likes and senses she might like for a long, long time. Having reconnected with Finn and rehashed everything that happened between them for the better, she can now boast one more close friend. 

Rey has even been dating. She still isn’t really sure what she wants in that regard and her instinct is to look for someone tall, dark, and brooding. So she goes with the opposite of that; average height, wholesome, midwestern. 

Thomas is nice. 

They’ve been together for one-hundred and twenty-three days. 

  
  
  


It has been seven-hundred and nineteen days since Ben mailed her things back to her. 

  
  
  
  


**THE THIRD YEAR  
**

* * *

Rey and Thomas end on day two-hundred. He breaks things off gently, explaining that he wants something permanent - to settle down, have a family. Rey tells him that she understands and that there are no hard feelings. She apologizes for wasting his time. 

He politely tells her that she is being ridiculous; that there’s no way she could have known it would work out this way. 

She doesn’t have the heart to tell him that she wants the things he wants too, but not right now, and maybe, with somebody who isn’t him. 

If somebody asked her - and they do, Finn and Rose check in with her regularly - how she was doing, her honest answer would be that she is okay. But just okay, nothing better or worse than that. 

Rey has a job that she loves, financial stability is always nice, and she is healthy. Going for runs, joining a kickboxing class at her local gym. 

Part of the reason that she is just okay has to do with the loneliness. 

In the time since Rey attended that party where Rose and Hux intended to seduce Poe, the three of them have only grown closer, their relationship becoming ever more serious. She can’t help but watch them morosely from a distance and wonder if she will ever have something like that. 

If she’d even recognize it if she got it. 

That number, the number of days since that box arrived in the mail stares her in the face, laughing at her. 

But she can’t bring herself to stop keeping track. 

  
  
  


On day eight-hundred and fifty-six, she receives a letter. Her name and address are written in flawless handwriting that she places instantly. 

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Mom, of course it’s okay. I sent the invitations out already anyway so I’m not sure why you are worrying. It’s done.”

Ben speaks calmly to his phone, trying to placate his mother over speakerphone while preparing dinner. 

“I know, I just…” Leia sighs. “I know you haven’t spoken to Rey since you broke up.”

“Well it isn’t my funeral, is it?” Ben turns the stove off and wipes his hands on the dish towel. “I know dad stayed in touch with her, and they always got on. He would have wanted Rey to be there.”

“Okay. If you’re certain.’

Ben laughs. “Mom, like I said, I already sent out the invites, and some RSVPs have even come back.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Besides, I’m not the same person I was back then, it’s been almost two and a half years, I can be cordial with an ex.”

They exchange some pleasantries, and Ben assures his mother he will follow up on the last details of the service before bidding her goodnight and hanging up.

His entire life, he thought his father was larger than life. A gruff man of few words, and a secret softie, Han Solo seemed like the type of person who would live forever. 

But he didn’t. 

Truthfully, Ben is more worried about seeing Luke at the funeral than Rey. They still have not managed to patch things between them, and Ben isn’t sure if he even needs that. 

After finishing his dinner and washing the dishes, Ben walks into his bedroom and crouches at the foot of the bed, pulling out a shoe box. Having relocated recently, just outside the city to be closer to his mother, Ben had gone through a deep cleansing of old junk. 

Most of it had gotten thrown out, but when Hux had asked which pile this shoe box and its contents belonged in, Ben had decided to keep it. 

Ben stands, and places the box on his desk so that he won’t forget about it when the funeral comes around. 

  
  
  


The service is nice. Leia speaks fondly about Han, as do Lando and Chewie. Luke gives Ben a stiff nod, and they endure some awkward chit chat until Chewie steals him away to drink. Rey cried during the funeral, not that Ben was paying any particular attention to her.

The man she attended with, standing at around her own height with dark skin and a muscular build, held her hand through the entire thing. 

When Rey approaches him later, a friendly hug accompanies her condolences and Ben offers a soft smile. He asks her how she is, and Rey makes an unconvincing face when she says that she is doing well. She is on the verge of leaving when he remembers the box. 

“Rey, hold on.”

She turns back, brows pinched. “Ben?”

“I have something for you, I almost forgot.” Ben jogs up the stairs to grab the contents of the box, and returns to hold it for her.

Rey frowns. “Is that...is that my scarf?” She turns it over in her hands.

He nods. “I found it in a drawer, when I moved.” Ben rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “I guess I had it this whole time.”

Rey hums, an indecipherable expression painted across her face. “Thanks.”

He dips his chin, hands in his pockets, and watches as she walks out the door with the man - Ben never did catch his name. 

Turning to walk back into his mother’s house, Ben joins Rose on the couch. 

“What was that?” Rose asks.

“Rey’s old scarf from when we first started dating. I found it when I was cleaning out my apartment before the move.”

Rose narrows her eyes. “You kept her scarf from when you were first dating?”

“I gave it back, didn’t I?” Ben huffs.

Grinning, Rose shoves his shoulder playfully. “I’m proud of you. You don’t need to hang on to the past anymore.”

Ben half-smiles and then swallows. “Did you talk to that guy she was with?”

“Oh yeah, he seems nice.” Rose smiles and takes a sip of her drink.

“How long have they been together?” 

Rose chokes on her drink, sputtering. “They’re not together.” She coughs. “That’s Finn, her foster brother.”

Frowning, Ben leans back into the cushions. “I thought they fell out? Rey told me that things between them became toxic and they didn’t keep in touch.”

Rose nods. “Yeah it was like that for a while, but then he contacted her out of the blue and they reconciled.”

“Wow.” Ben shakes his head. “The way she talked about it...just made it like there was no coming back.”

She is quiet for a while, before standing. “Healing takes time, Ben.”

Rose pats his shoulder softly before walking to the kitchen to help Leia clean up. 

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


On day eight-hundred and eighty-six, Rey arrives back at her apartment after the funeral, trading her heels for slippers and hanging her coat on the door. 

Looking down at the scarf in her hands, Rey pretends she doesn’t know why it makes her want to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, the catharsis and HEA is coming I promise.  
> if you liked, leave a comment or kudo, subscribe, or rec to your friends <3
> 
>  **More details about the tw:**  
>  Drinking: Ben drinks a lot after Rey leaves.  
> sexual assault: Clients of Ben's harass a waitress during a dinner - not described in detail  
> Snoke is gross: makes light of said harassment and calls Hux a degenerate  
> physical violence: Ben strikes Snoke across the face  
> MCD: Han Solo dies and the last section is about his funeral.


	4. the one real thing you've ever known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Cause there we are again,  
>  When I loved you so.  
> Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known.  
> It was rare,  
> I was there,  
> I remember it all too well. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is, in my opinion, the best Taylor Swift song and I have done my best to do it and the beautiful lyrics justice.

The months after the funeral passed faster than Ben had expected them to. He had thought that suffering such a loss would stop time from flying, or paralyze it, and yet everything continues. Sitting back and considering things one night at his mother’s house - how are you  _ really _ ? she had asked - Ben realizes that he is content. 

Happy, even. 

She had been surprised when he mentioned that he was dating again, but Ben had done his best to temper her expectations; so far, he was not finding what he was looking for. When his mom had then narrowed her eyes and asked what exactly he was seeking, Ben shrugged.

Now, on his way to pick up some produce from the market down the street from the yoga studio he attends twice a week, Ben runs a hand through his hair and exhales. He wonders if someone had told Ben Solo from five years ago that this is what his life would look like, how that version of him would have responded. 

Probably with a demeaning laugh, followed by an eye-roll and self-deprecating remark about how he could never betray Snoke- that man was responsible for all Ben’s success.

Placing his fruits and veggies on the checkout counter carefully, he sighs, glad he is not that person anymore. After pulling his credit card out of the pocket of his joggers to pay, Ben nods at the cashier and picks up the paper bag. 

“Ben, right?”

He turns to face the voice, and finds himself face to face with Rey’s friend, Finn.

“Yeah. Finn, right?”

They share a brief handshake.

“How’ve you been since the funeral?”

He shrugs. “As bad as it sounds...life just continues. I mean, I miss my father and it hits me in some moments but the world didn’t stop.”

“I get that man.” Finn nods. “And your mother?”

“She’s okay. I check in on her more than I used to, drop by just to say hi.”

Finn’s eyebrows raise. “That’s nice of you, she must really appreciate that.”

“I think so.” Ben gives Finn a half-smile. “Anyways, I’ve got to get home.”

“Yeah, nice to talk to you.”

Ben dips his head. “Likewise, give my best to Rey when you see her.”

Because it’s on his mind now, Ben calls his mother as soon as he arrives back at his apartment. Checking in to see how the day has been going, and if she wants him to bring anything over for Sunday dinner tomorrow. She says no - she always does - and asks him what he has planned for the rest of the day.

While putting his groceries away, Ben summarizes the events of the morning, including yoga, running into Rey’s friend Finn at the market, and that he has some chores to do before he heads out on a date at night.

  
  
  


Life is good.

  
  
  


****

  
  


“Rey?”

“Yep, just getting things ready!”

Rey beams at Finn as he enters her kitchen, having run out to the market down the street to pick up some drinks and dessert to go with the lunch she has made. He sets the grocery bag down on the counter.

“Guess who I ran into at the market?” Finn sits down in one of the high stools.

“Who?” Rey asks as she pulls the baked broccoli mac and cheese out of the oven.

“Your ex.” Finn stats nonchalantly while taking a soda out of the bag and cracking it open.

Rey frowns. “Thomas? I thought I saw on Facebook that he moved to-”

“No.” Finn waves his hand around, “not that one. The big one. Ben.”

“Why is he ‘the big one’? He’s normal sized.”

“No he isn’t, that man is a refrigerator.” Finn takes another sip of his drink. “But I meant big as in, like the big breakup, not his size.”

“Oh.” Rey washes her hands before pulling the dishes out of the cupboard. “Well, lunch is ready so let’s dish up.”

After they have served themselves and relocated to the table, Finn narrows his eyes at her.

“Don’t try and change the subject.”

Rey groans. “I’m not, you said you ran into Ben at the store and I said lunch is ready. Is there anything else you’d like to say about Ben?’

He raises his eyebrows. “Is there anything else  _ you’d _ like to say about Ben? Or to Ben?”

Rolling her eyes, Rey takes a large bite of the pasta and takes her time chewing so she can think about her answer. “What is it that you think I should talk to Ben about?”

“I don’t know.” Finn shrugs. “But maybe it could be helpful. Maybe, like you, he still thinks about what happened and wonders if things worked out the right way in the end.”

Rey gets up to grab a soda from the counter, taking a sip between every couple bites of food.

Finn continues. “What’s the worst that could happen? You meet for coffee and he’s still an asshole, then at least you can stop thinking about it.”

She swallows, and then nods. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

  
  
  


A week later, Rey enters a cafe down the street from her apartment to see Ben already seated and waiting for her. Nervous, she wipes her sweaty palms on her jeans before walking over to his table and taking a seat. He gives her a soft smile, and for the first time in years, Rey looks at him. Really looks at him.

Aside from the obvious - his hair is a little bit shorter than he used to keep it and he looks leaner than he did when they were together - Ben seems like a completely different person. Dressed in a soft-looking navy sweater and jeans, he looks...comfortable. At ease.

The stern clench of his jaw is gone, as is the fire in his eyes. Instead, there are small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes from smiling and his overall demeanor is that of someone calm, relaxed. 

“Hi Rey. It’s good to see you.”

She almost can’t breathe, the warmth in his eyes wrapping around her like a hug. “Hey Ben.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I was surprised to hear from you.”

“I was surprised that I called you.” She huffs.

“Fair enough.”

“You look skinny.” Rey claps a hand over her mouth. “Shit, sorry, I just...it’s been a while and you seem smaller…”

Burying her face in her hands, Rey lets out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Hey, hey.” Ben chuckles. “You’re right. Some of my exercise routines have changed in the last little while, I don’t go for as much of the weightlifting and cross fit type things anymore.”

“And why’s that?”

He shrugs. “I think...well, I know, I was doing those sorts of things for the burn, for the pain of it. As a sort of punishment for myself. It was also helpful in dispelling anger, which I had a lot of back then.”

Rey does her best not to gape, hardly recognizing this self-aware man in front of her.

“Like a lot of things at that time in my life,” Ben continues, “the gym was an obsession. Once I realized that that is what it was, it was easy to fix.”

She nods. “Wow.”

“What?”

“It just, you just seem like...like you’re doing well. I’m glad, it’s just - I mean, I don’t know what I expected but I’m happy for you.”

Ben smiles. “Thanks.” Picking his mug up from the table, he takes a quick sip. “Oh, did you want something? I wasn’t sure if your order would be the same or…”

“No that’s okay.” She fishes her wallet out of her purse and then stands. “I’ll go grab something, be right back.”

Trying not to berate herself for being so ineloquent, Rey stands in line to order a croissant and a chai latte. She wonders if Ben will be half as amazed and her current life as she is at his. When she returns to their table, Rey does her best to hold in a laugh at how comically tiny the mug looks in Ben’s hands. 

“And how about you? Are you still working with Luke?”

“No.” Rey says through a mouthful of croissant before swallowing slowly. “No, it turns out we weren’t a good fit. I wanted to be somewhere more socially minded, you know, make a difference.” She sips her latte. 

“Are you?” He asks. “Making a difference now?”

She nods. “I’d like to think so. I’m the lead engineer for a non-profit that works on low-income housing and affordable repairs.”

“That’s great.”

Feeling her cheeks heat at the sincerity in his voice, Rey hides her face behind a longer sip of her drink, followed by a slow bite of her croissant. The silence that follows toes the line between comfortable and awkward, maybe leaning slightly toward the awkward side.

Ben is the one to break it. “I’d like to apologize.”

Rey frowns. “For what?”

“How I acted, the person I was...before. When we were together.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Nobody deserves that, and I know it was a long time ago...anyways I just wanted to offer my apology.”

“Thank you.” Rey replies quietly, so quietly that if it wasn’t for his slight nod she might have thought he couldn’t hear her. She swallows. “For what it’s worth...I’m sorry too, for how it all turned out.”

He smiles that same, slightly crooked smile she remembers all too well. “Thanks, Rey.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Wednesday coffees with Ben become a regular occurence, and over the course of the year he becomes one of her closest friends. They do, in some ways, know each other more deeply and get along better than they ever did before. When Rose had asked her if it was weird, becoming friends with an ex, Rey had honestly answered no.

Because both of them have grown and changed since they were together, that it had been like befriending a new person. 

Rose had also asked her if she thought they would be anything more than friends. Rey had avoided providing an answer and continued to pretend that it wasn’t something she thought about all the time. 

But she does. 

Rey also silences that voice that calls her a hypocrite for compartmentalizing her feelings. It’s an old habit, a relic of the Rey from the past, a person she claims to no longer be. 

Maybe she’s a liar. 

It’s thanks to her proficiency at ignoring her own feelings that she is able to convincingly act excited when Ben mentions over their weekly coffee that he has met someone. With the skill of a lifelong practitioner, Rey does not address the sinking feeling in her stomach when Ben describes this woman he has met through Hux, that they will be going on a first date on Friday, and that he is excited. 

She pretends to be fine the entire time, and only starts to cry when she finds herself at Rose’s door. Rey doesn’t knock. She just stands there with tears dripping down her cheeks and landing with soft plops on the floor beneath her feet. 

Rey stands there until Rose gets home from work, and ushers her inside with a concerned look on her face.

Like the good friend she always has been, Rose listens attentively as Rey hiccups her way through a retelling of the events of the afternoon, and takes her time before answering the question Rey finishes with.

“What do I do, Rose?”

Rose sighs, and grabs some kleenex from the couch, passing them to Rey. 

“What does your heart tell you?”

  
  
  


And so, Rey hugs Rose goodbye, and begins her walk toward Ben’s apartment. It will likely take two hours to walk all the way there, but she doesn’t mind; the time will be helpful in organizing her thoughts. 

By the time she knocks on the door, it’s nearly dinner time - she can tell because she can smell the food through the door.

His emotions dance plainly across his face when he opens the door to see her. First, surprise, then confusion, and finally, concern. 

Brows knit together, Ben asks “Is everything alright?”

Rey swallows. “May I come in?”

He nods, locking the door behind her and then walking over to the stove, turning down the heat. Leaning against the counter, Ben crosses his arms and fixes her with a look that Rey feels in her soul.

“Why are you here, Rey?”

She takes a deep breath. “I came here because I was hoping that you would cancel your date on Friday.” Wringing her hands, she continues. “I want you to cancel and I’m hoping I could convince you to go on a date with me...instead.”

Ben blinks several times in rapid succession, his eyebrows in his hairline. 

Rey ploughs on before she loses her courage. “I know things didn’t work out before, and I’d be a fool to forget what happened, I remember it. I know you do too...but we’ve forgiven each other and we aren’t the same people that went through that.” Swallowing, she finishes. “...and if you’ll have me, I- I would like to try again.”

His Adam's apple bobs. Turning off the stove, he removes the frying pan - containing what looks like stir fry - from the heat, and uses a serving spoon to dish some into a waiting bowl. Ben scratches his neck, frowning, and then gets another bowl out from the cabinet. 

He stares at the two bowls on the counter, side by side, one with stir fry and one that is empty, for what feels like an eternity before running a hand through his hair and making eye contact. 

“Rey.” He starts, and then closes his mouth again. “Rey, when we were together before, you were my everything - the  _ only  _ thing. I tethered myself to you and I wanted to build my life around you, and I would have.” Ben pauses, and Rey prepares herself for the feeling of her heart splintering. “But I’m not that person anymore. I don’t want someone to build my life around, I want somebody to share my life with.”

Rey holds her breath.

“I...Rey, I would be happy to try sharing it with you.”

And she exhales, a tear sliding down her cheek. Ben pulls her in for a hug, kissing the crown of her head. 

When the embrace is done, he spoons stir fry into the second bowl. 

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Ben?” Rey calls to him from the front door of her apartment. He is still buttoning his shirt up after showering, ready to head out to dinner. “Can you grab my brown coat from the closet? Rose just texted to say it’s a little breezy in their neighbourhood.”

“Sure.” Ben sits down on the bed to pull on his socks, before padding over to the walk-in closet to fetch Rey’s coat. 

Gently removing it from its hanger, Ben drapes it over his arm and begins to exit the closet when he sees it. Generally, there is nothing remarkable about an item of clothing hanging on the back of a closet door. The reason it catches his attention in the first place is that it is by itself - Rey has a tendency to load one hanger with as many clothes as it can carry, yet this item gets the entire door hook to itself. 

Stepping closer, Ben recognizes it. 

It’s the scarf. 

_ That _ scarf. 

The one she had left at his place, years ago, the first time they dated. The one he had held on to, pretending he had forgotten it was there, for much longer than was necessary before returning it. 

He runs a thumb over it before walking to the door to meet Rey. 

After handing her the coat, he runs a hand through his hair and sits on the couch to pull on his shoes.

“What’s on your mind?” Rey looks up at him, shrugging on the coat. 

Ben swallows. “Nothing, I just noticed that you have that scarf hanging on the back of the closet door.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks tinge pink. “Yeah. I like to keep it there.”

“Why?”

He stands, grabbing the keys from their bowl near the door. 

“As a reminder. So that I don’t forget that people can change, and healing is possible.”

Ben smiles, the smile that he withheld from her and from the world for so long. The smile that, when they first started dating, was a rare sight, even for Rey.

But now, this Ben, he tries to show it to as many people as he can, as often as he can. 

Reaching for Rey’s hand, Ben places a kiss on the back of it before twining his fingers with hers.

They leave the apartment hand in hand. 

Each happier than they have ever been, content that they will be able to face the future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)
> 
> check out the other pieces in my Reylo_Red collection!  
>  **Completed:**  
> [ Begin Again ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23191651)  
> [ Stay Stay Stay ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23299768)  
> [ State of Grace ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23174839)  
> [ Holy Ground ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/24064783)  
> [ Everything Has Changed ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23517154)  
> [ I Almost Do ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23224756)
> 
> **WIP:**  
> [ i'm telling you/i'm telling you ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/24916861) (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together)


End file.
